Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude. I can hear the air.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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