I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
