i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
