The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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