Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
