I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
