took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
