Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
