i was born a porn star she said
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
