You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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