just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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