too bad you live with your parents still
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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