Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
