So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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