I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
