You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
