On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
