I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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