do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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