help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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