All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
