who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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