That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
