On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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