How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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