the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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