i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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