Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
