When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
