Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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