I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
