dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
