I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
