I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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