Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
