Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
