8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
