Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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