erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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