I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He felt like a one man threesome
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
