went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
