Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
