so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
