Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
