There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
