Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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