I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
