There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
