You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
