Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
