It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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